


The Animal Inside

by agileassassin



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Gen, Hybrid AU, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter Hybrids, rt hybrid AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1925625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agileassassin/pseuds/agileassassin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a meteor shower brings a strange mutagen to Earth, people begin developing animal characteristics. While others panic, one company tries to keep things normal--well, normal as they can be. RT Hybrid AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Points of Origin

"Michael the romance guy," Ryan said, fluffing up Michael's hair in a fatherly manner.

"Shut up."

"Caaaan you feel~" Ray started singing.

"THE LOVE TONIGHT!" The other Achievement Hunter boys joined in, making Michael pout like a child.

"Shut up!"

"Aww, little Micoo's embarassed!" Gavin cooed.

"SHUT UP!" Michael's face was bright red. He was starting to regret casually mentioning his date with Lindsay tonight.

"Alright, that's enough," Geoff said. "Save it for Rage Quit."

"It's a Play Pals week," Michael grumbled.

"So where're you taking Lindsay tonight?" Jack asked.

"You guys promise not to bug me about it?"

"Depends," Gavin said.

"On what?" Ray asked.

"Y'know! Like...stuff!"

"Don't you have a Let's Play to edit?" Geoff reminded him. Gavin huffed and turned back to his computer. "So, where are you taking the lucky lady?"

Michael sighed, deciding that it would be best to just tell them the basic details. "I'm taking her to see that meteor shower, maybe a semi-fancy dinner before it."

"Aww, that's really sweet~!" Ray said.

"Fuck yeah it is," Michael said, feeling rather confident in himself.

There was a knock at the door. Miles opened it soon after. "Michael, I need you for RWBY lines."

"Shit, really? The animation wasn't due to be done for another two days!" Michael commented, getting up from his chair.

"I don't think Monty's slept in a while."

"Isn't that normal for him?" Geoff said.

"I walked near the animation team and he looked on the edge of crazy and falling asleep. There were also like seven coffee mugs next to him."

"So basically, he's gonna crash any second?" Ray said.

"Oh yeah. It's gonna be real good. Might have to get an RT Life about it."

"Don't draw on his face," Ryan said.

"No promises!" And Miles left the room with Michael in tow.

~~~~~

"Is the blindfold really necessary?" Lindsay asked. Michael told her to close her eyes, but deciding that she couldn't be trusted doing that, he tied a long-sleeved shirt around her face.

"Yes."

"Where are you taking me?"

"That's the point of the blindfold!"

"You bought a cat."

"Wha- No!"

"Then what is it? It's like 11 at night! Where could we possibly be going?"

"You'll see~"

Lindsay was silent for a moment. "We're gonna rob a place."

"OH MY GOD!"

"I knew it!"

"NO!"

"It's ladies night at the strip club."

"Why would I know when ladies night is?"

"Because you and Gavin make a thing."

"...Are you saying you want a threesome?"

"We could easily make it a foursome."

"Is this theoretical or should we start talking dates and times?"

"I don't know. Where are we going?"

"That's a secret!"

"How much longer!"

"A few minutes!"

Lindsay didn't say a word for five minutes at least. "Are we there yet?"

"Yes."

"Can I take my blindfold off?"

"No," Michael leaned over and kissed Lindsay's forehead lightly, then removed the blindfold.

"Where are we?" Lindsay was looking around confusedly. They were in a big field with other cars sparsely dotted around, one or two with people sitting on top, most with chairs beside them.

"We're gonna watch the meteor shower," Michael said, "and I forgot to bring chairs so we're gonna sit on the roof like idiots."

"We are idiots," Lindsay teased. "I'm your idiot and you're my idiot. We took an Idiot Oath, remember?"

"An Idiot Oath disguised as marriage." Michael got out of the car and started climbing up. He leaned over Lindsay's side and pressed his face against the glass. "Whatcha waiting for? It's about to start."

Lindsay took her place beside Michael on the roof of the car, and listened to the screams of children as the first meteors streaked across the sky. A few minutes later, the meteor shower was in full swing.

"What'd you wish for?" Lindsay suddenly asked after a while.

"What?"

"These are shooting stars! What'd you wish for?"

"Hold on, I didn't know that was a requirement!" Michael was silent for a bit. "I wished for you to be happy always and for your wish to come true."

"Aww~"

"What did you wish for?"

"You don't really need to know..." Lindsay didn't really want to say.

"No, I wished for your wish to come true, I want to know what I did."

"I'll tell you when it comes true." A muffled thud caught the Jones' attention.

"The fuck?" Michael said, and looked off the side of the car. He saw a meteorite, around the size of a golf ball. The only reason he was able to see it so easily is because it was light colored, and provided insane contrast against the dark grass. "I think I found something."

"Don't give shit to bitches who ain't shit, Michael," Lindsay reminded him as he jumped off the car to grab the space rock.

"This bitch is shit," Michael said. "Look!" He held up the meteorite. "I found a meteor!"

"I think it's a meteorite."

"Who cares about the technical term?"

"Me."

"Captain Science over here."

"Yeah." Lindsay yawned. "I'm getting kinda tired. Can we go back now?"

"You have to pay for that. One hug and three kisses."

"Deal." Lindsay hopped off the roof, paid the toll, and got in the car. "You gonna keep the space rock?"

"Hell yeah. I'll be the official Achievement Hunter space object." Michael slipped the meteorite into his pocket. "Throwback whatever day it is, we're gonna have a pet rock."

He got into the car and drove home, thinking it was the cutest thing ever when Lindsay fell asleep halfway through and started snoring. It wasn't as cute, but still pretty cute, in his opinion when he had to carry her up some stairs. She woke up at the top of the stairs. "We should name it Ah Rock, like Our Rock but more street, and Ah like Achievement Hunter also Ah like a as in a rock but Ah Rock. Ah Rock." Lindsay fell back asleep.

"Ah Rock it is," Michael said, laying her gently in bed and falling asleep almost immediately beside her.


	2. Knock, Knock. Who's There? Pain

When Michael woke up, it was still dark outside. And he felt like shit. He got up and shuffled to the medicine cabinet to grab some Tylenol, changing course halfway to run to the bathroom and throw up. With his head pounding like it was, and the rest of him aching at a slightly lower intensity, he diagnosed himself with the flu and decided to sleep on the bathroom floor in case he had to throw up again.

~~~~~

"Michael?" Lindsay was softly shaking him awake. "Michael, are you ok? Do I need to call somebody?"

"Wha...?" Michael slowly opened his eyes to see his wife's concerned face. Immediately afterwords he remembered where he was and how bad he felt. "Why'd you wake me?"

"You're on the bathroom floor in a puddle of vomit." Lindsay grabbed a washcloth and started wetting it. "You're lucky your head was up and you were on your side; you coulda choked to death."

"Fuuuuuck..."Michael sat up and leaned against the wall. "Give it here, I'll do it."

"No, you're going to lay down on the couch with a fucking big-ass bucket beside you and then I'm gonna Clorox everything you look at."

"I'm fine, I promise."

"Where do you work?"

"At my job," Michael stated in an obvious manner.

"You're staying home and I'm gonna take care of you 'cause if this shit's contagious--"

"No you gotta be Ruby!" Michael whined.

"What?"

"They finished early so they made me record lines yesterday and you're today! They told me! You gotta gooooo!" Michael suddenly leaned over the toilet and heaved violently.

"Stay here!" Lindsay commanded. Michael gave a thumbs up from his position over the toilet.

Lindsay walked over to her phone and started texting Miles. 

'How much do you need me  
today'

Within a few seconds the reply came.

'Kinda alot'  
'Why is something wrong'  
'Micoos sick and it might be  
contageous'  
'Shit'  
'I really need you today'  
'Can you just come and  
record your lines then  
go home'  
'Yeah I guess that'll be ok'  
'Awesome'  
'Tell him to get better'  
'I will :3'

Lindsay sighed and went back over to Michael, who was still over the toilet. She took the washcloth she wet earlier and began cleaning his sick off the floor. "I'm gonna have to go," She said, hoping he could hear her over his coughs and gags, "so just stay here, sleep a bit, watch some TV, play some games, and I'll be back in a few hours."

Michael finally stopped vomiting and sat back, panting hard. "I musta ate some fucked up shit."

"You want me to help you to the couch?"

"Please?" Lindsay helped the sick man up and walked him to the couch. "Make sure you take Ah Rock," Michael said, leaning back.

"Ah Rock?"

"That's what you named the meteor last night. I'll tell you the full story later. It's on the bedside table, I think." Michael closed his eyes.

Lindsay walked around a little collecting things that Michael might need during the day. "Here's a bucket, some water, gatorade, crackers, ginger-ale, blankets, Harry Potter books, your DS and game collection, your phone, the remote, and your Xbox controller."

"Thanks mom," Michael joked.

Lindsay went back into the bedroom to change clothes and gather what she needed for her short work day. She grabbed Ah Rock deciding to place it in Michael's chair and call it Ah Rock: Michael Edition.

"You need anything before I leave or while I'm out?" Lindsay asked, placing her hand on Michael's forehead, discovering a high fever.

"I'm good right now, just go kill those lines," Michael said, half asleep.

"Always." Lindsay blew a kiss to Michael and walked out the door.

~~~~~

"Geoff!" Lindsay said, in a rush. "This is Michael's spirit." She thrust Ah Rock: Michael Edition into his hands. "Put it in his chair for me, please?"

"What? Where's Michael?"

"He's really sick, so I've gotta go record RWBY lines and get back to him fast. He wanted this rock to represent him today."

"Tell him to feel better!" Geoff called after Lindsay as she hurried to the sound booth.

"I will!"

Geoff walked into Achievement Hunter and placed Michael's rock at his desk.

"What's that?" Ray asked.

"It's Michael's spirit or some shit. He's not coming in today but he wanted that to represent him or something."

"Do you think it can work a controller?"

"Absolutely. We should fire Michael, and this rock'll replace him."

"Talk to Matt about your idea."

"Why is there a rock on Michael's desk?" Gavin said, walking in.

"It's not a rock, it's your brain." Geoff responded.

"Aww, it's so cute!" Gavin grabbed it off the desk and started tossing it up in the air.

"You're gonna break something," Ray said, not looking.

"No I'm not, It's just a small rock!"

"You broke like three cans of soda that one HUNT." Geoff reminded him.

"Yeah, but this isn't a can."

~~~~~

Lindsay borderline sped home. She hadn't received a text from Michael all three and a half hours she was in the booth. 'He's just asleep,' she kept telling herself.

"Michael!?" She yelled, bursting through the door. She wrinkled her nose at the smell and was glad she put a bucket next to him. Looking over at the couch, it seemed that Michael had made a fort/nest of blankets on the couch and was playing a game inside. (Probably Ocarina of Time)

"Michael, I'm back. Are you feeling better?"

Michael poked his head out from under all the blankets. "Yeah, I woke up a few minutes ago and threw my guts up, but I'm feeling a lot better. My head still hurts like a bitch, though. Must be one of those 12 hour things. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Michael," Lindsay said, slowly walking over in awe, "you have ears."

"Yeah, I do. It's kinda standard issue."

"No," Lindsay reached out her hand, "you have cat ears!"


	3. SPF 0

"Are you serious! I thought the ears and tail were because of the fever!" Michael said, slightly annoyed.

"Can you wiggle them?" Lindsay asked, gently stroking one.

"Stop that!" Michael swatted her hand away. "Hold on, let me try." Michael's face was contorted in effort as he slowly turned one ear, then the other.

Lindsay was wrapped in awe. "You said you have a tail?"

"Yeah, it's way easier to move than the ears." Michael pulled himself further from the blanket fort to show her his tail. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for where your ears connect." Lindsay was parting Michael's hair around the base of the ears. "Found it. And you still have your people ears?"

"Ye-" Michael's conformation was cut off as Lindsay yelled in his ear. "LINDSAY! WHAT THE FUCK! THAT HURT!"

"Well, it seems you can hear out of your cat ears," Lindsay said, and began making noises near his human ears. "And not out of your other ears."

"We're all insane." Michael said, closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch when he heard Lindsay laugh. "The hell are you laughing?

"You remember I said I would tell you what I wished for when it came true?" Lindsay said, tearing up from laughter. "I wished for a CAT!"

"This isn't funny!"

"It really is!"

"I'M A FUCKING CAT!"

"Yeah, do you have retractable claws, too?!"

"SHUT UP!"

"OH! Oh hell, I'm gonna go clean this puke bucket. You destroyed this thing." Lindsay picked up said puke bucket and walked to the kitchen.

"I can still see you, you know. We have an apartment."

"Damn. You're a cat. Do you think you're gonna turn into Joe's best friend?"

"Lindsay, stop."

"I think it's absolutely PURR-fect! You can sit on my lap while I read by the fire, and I'll rub between your ears..."

"Lindsay, what if I turn into a full cat!"

Lindsay stopped and turned around. "Y'know, I hadn't thought of that."

"This is all your fault! You wished for a cat, and I wished for it to come true, and we coulda just bought a fucking stupid cat, and we never woulda gone through this!"

"Michael, I don't think it's because of the wishes."

"Why?"

"Because I'm starting to feel like someone is murdering my brain."

Michael looked over to the kitchen to see Lindsay leaning heavily on the counter. He got up, against every muscle in his body still aching, and borderline ran to her. "It's ok, headaches are a symptom of plenty of things, uhhh, you get migraines on your period a lot, right? I'm sure it's just that."

"Fuckin' it's not time for my damn period!"

"...Are you pregnant?"

"No I'm not pregnant! Shit, Michael, I'm gonna turn into a cat! Fuck! It is contagious! I exposed the whole office to it!"

"Lindsay, c'mon," Michael said, picking Lindsay up. "If your sick is anything like mine, you're about to start throwing your guts up. He carried her to the bathroom and sat her down.

"My stomach doesn't hurt." Lindsay scowled up at Michael.

"It will."

"I'm hungry!" Lindsay dramatically fell to the floor. "I'm dying without food!"

"Lindsay, that'll only make it worse," Michael reasoned to Lindsay. "If I get you food--" He was cut off by Lindsay suddenly sitting back up and leaning over the toilet. "Yeah, that." Michael held her hair back and rubbed Lindsay's back as she violently expelled the minimal contents of her stomach into the toilet.

~~~~~

"Meg?" Gavin said, soon after the two arrived home.

"What Gavin? And I swear it better not be some stupid joke this time!" Meg said with a smile.

"Could you come rub my back? It REALLY hurts." Gavin was laying face down on the floor.

"Only if you promise to rub my back and my feet when I ask for it."

"Thank you." Gavin's reply was muffled by the carpet. "It feels like something's trying to force it's way out of my back!"

Meg pushed up his shirt halfway and started massaging. Feeling something strange, she pushed his shirt up the rest of the way. "Gav, I think there is something trying to come out!"

"What?!" Gavin panicked and started slapping his hand around on his back. "Where?"

"You're not flexible enough!" Meg said, guiding his hand. "Just there, with your fingertips."

"No, that's just shoulder bone. I'm really skinny, as you may know."

"I'm not so sure..."

Gavin suddenly popped up and ran to the bathroom. "Oh no oh no oh no oh no."

"Gavin! Are you ok?" Meg followed him.

"Obviously not, Meg!" Gavin said, in between heaves. After a minute, he sat back from the toilet, looking exhausted. "I'm really tired now."

"You wanna go to the bed, or the couch?"

"Bed."

"Then let's go," Meg said, hoisting Gavin up and helping him to the bed. "I'm sleeping on the couch, 'cause I do not want that shit. Call me if you need me." She walked out only to return a minute later with a large cooking pot. "Here. I don't wanna clean those sheets."

"Wait, Meg," Gavin said, stopping Meg as she walked out for the second time. "Have you been around Michael lately? I think this started with him."

"Did you just admit to being sick? But Gavvy, it's all mental!" Meg joked. "And no, I haven't been around him in a few days. Don't worry, you'll get better soon!"

~~~~~

Geoff staggered outside. "Griffon, could you please hold off the Chainsaw Sculpting until tomorrow? I have a killer headache."

"Is it a hangover?"

"Hangovers happen in the morning, I'm going to sleep. Don't wake me, please."

"You got it." Griffon put down her chainsaw and started stretching her soreness out. She was way too sore to have only been sculpting for five minutes. Dismissing it to her lack of sleep the night before, she put her supplies away and went to go make sure Geoff was ok.

~~~~~

The next morning, Lindsay was still camping out in the bathroom, and Michael was seriously considering going to a neighbor's house to do his business. 'Maybe I'll just go buy a litter box,' he joked to himself, which made him feel slightly depressed at his new physical self. Shaking his head to get the negative thoughts away, he turned on the TV to cheer himself up, and started channel surfing. Not really one to watch the news, a few key words caught his attention, and he found himself engrossed in a story.

"For the past two nights, a meteor shower has been visible over much of the United States, however, those who have gone to see it have reported a slew of strange symptoms taking hold," the News Anchor said. "The CDC is currently looking into this phenomena, but have turned up empty handed. The symptoms, which commonly include head aches, back aches, mood swings, abnormal behavior, and severe vomiting, have cleared up in all patients after 8-16 hours. The illness appears to be moderately contagious, and anyone with these symptoms is highly encouraged to go to a medical professional. To prevent yourself from getting sick, the CDC has recommended not going outside for extended periods, and staying away from infected individuals."

"Oh, SHIT!"


	4. Down, But Not Out

Michael knocked on the bathroom door. "Lindsay? You feeling better?"

Lindsay opened the door slightly, and hid behind it. "I grew ears and a tail, too. I think I'm a dog or some shit. I know I'm not a cat."

"Let me see you," Michael said, gently pulling her around the door. "You're adorable." He scruffed up her hair, which was already messy from sleeping on the floor.

"My tail feels weird." Lindsay waggled her fluffy tail for emphasis.

"I know, you get used to it. It'll feel normal soon."

"Do you think I can eat kibble?"

Michael stared at her for a while. "Maybe. But listen, it's not just us that turned animal. There was a whole story on the news, but they left out the animal part, probably to prevent a national panic. It also sounded a little bit like they're collecting people who have turned to figure out a cure, so we should probably try to hide it."

"Did they specifically say they're collecting people for a cure?"

"No, but they said anyone exhibiting symptoms is recommended to go to a doctor or some shit. And I've seen enough movies to know that when people start turning into animals, they start experimenting."

Lindsay pondered on his words. "Maybe you're right. We are getting a little behind in work. Let's just go, keep our tails tucked, and hats on."

"Wait, I wanna try something real fast," Michael said, walked into the kitchen, and pulled out a coffee mug.

"What are you going to do?" Lindsay said, even though she had a pretty good idea.

Michael's sleek brown tail curled around the mug handle, and lifted it up around two millimeters. "I fucking got it!" Michael said, his concentration relaxing, allowing the mug to crash to the floor. "FUCK!"

~~~~~

"WHAT THE SMEG?!" Gavin's yell reverberated through the house, waking up Meg rather effectively.

"What? What happened?!" She ran from the couch into the bedroom as fast as she could, fearing the worst. "Oh..." Meg was at a loss for words at what she saw.

Gavin's shirt had been ripped away during the night to make room for two giant, majestic brown wings, and a few long, thick feathers at the base of his back, most likely for flight stabilization.

"So, uh, hi," Meg said, completely dumbstruck.

"I bloody went and grew wings, didn't I? Gavin said, standing up on the bed and looking over his shoulder trying to get a better look.

"You...you did."

"I can't show up like this! I never get sick! They'll think I got sick! What am I supposed to do?" Gavin seemed more concerned with missing work and his reputation than the wings growing out of his back. "Meg, look and see how they connect."

Meg walked over and started parting his feathers. "It's like an actual bird. You have a legitimate wing growing out of your back."

"What? That's mental!" Gavin said, hopping off the bed. "Do you think I can fly?"

"Maybe, if the wings are big enough and you weigh little enough. Don't try it though, you'll get the government on you." Meg said.

"Why would the government come for me? I'm perfectly legal to be here in America, I think."

"Yeah, but you have wings growing from your back!" Meg reminded him. "Didn't you say that Michael was out sick yesterday?"

"He was, but his rock was there for him."

Meg sighed at the mention of the rock "Just stay inside, stay hidden from people who'll call the cops on you, and I'll go to work and tell'em you have whatever Michael has. We'll just wing it from there."

"Hey, I get it, WING it!"

"Just stay inside!"

~~~~~

"Wow, good thing you guys are feeling better today," Burnie was saying to Lindsay and Michael as they walked in, "we've got half of Achievement Hunter out today!" Michael and Lindsay exchanged glances.

"Wow, really?" Michael said, trying to hide the nervousness from his voice. "You don't think we got them sick, do you?"

"Ehh, maybe. Who knows? It's only a 12-hour flu deal, right?"

"Yeah, but it's pretty bad," Lindsay replied. "It might take a while for some of them to get over it, especially those with kids to worry about." Lindsay was trying to account for the extended absences some of them may have if the pair really did make Achievement Hunter sick.

"Well, let's hope they get back before we run out of content to put out," Burnie joked, seeing as they had enough content to last around a month. "See you. Work hard today!" Burnie said, walking away.

The Joneses walked into Achievement Hunter offices to see Ray, with his faithful Twitch hoodie, on and pulled up over his head. "Bye," Lindsay said, and gave Michael a quick peck on the check before walking into the side office, already populated by Kdin and Caleb. "I'm back, bitches!" She said, walking in, and was greeted by cheerful noises.

"'Sup Ray," Michael said, constricting his tail tighter around his waist, just in case the other man could see it. "Everyone else sick?"

Ray turned slightly to Michael to watch him sit down. "I guess. Even Gavin's out. Meg came in earlier and told us that he's completely laid out sick. That whole 'sickness is a mental state' thing didn't work out for him this time." Ray said, making Michael wonder if they were also turning into animals. "So how bad was it?"

"Pretty fuckin' bad, man. It was all over in a few hours, but I'm still feeling the effects now," Michael said, alluding to his current cat-state.

"Wow. I had a killer headache myself last night. Barely got any sleep. You don't think we had the same thing, do you?"

"Nah, probably not."

Michael noticed a slight twitch under Ray's hood at his reply. "You're probably right. Weren't you like borderline dying?"

"I wasn't dying. I just threw up my guts a few times and felt like overall shit for half a day." Michael put on his headphones over his human ears, which no longer worked. The top of the headphones rested uncomfortably on his cat ears, which he had flattened to his head under his beanie.

"So... Lavacakes bad?"

"No, a lot worse than Lavacakes bad." Michael's response made Ray laugh, and as Michael watched, the top of his hood got pushed up by something. "Ray, what's under you're hood?"

Ray's hood immediately flattened down to his head. "My headphones, duh."

"Do..." Michael mentally prepared himself for the question he was about to ask. "Do you have... animal ears under there?"

Ray's face went completely white and his eyes got wide. "That's crazy talk! Unless you count human ears as animal ears."

"Ray, you're not fooling me. I've got ears and a tail, too." Michael said, lifting up his shirt to show his tail. "I'm a damn cat."

"I'm..." Ray sighed and looked around before taking off his hood. "I'm...a rabbit." Ray's ears straightened up.

"That's kinda cool! Can you jump really high?" Michael asked, intrigued at meeting another hybrid.

"I don't know! But I do have a stupid bunny tail." Ray put his hood back on. "Why couldn't I have been something cool, like a sloth or a penguin or something."

"Because the world doesn't work that way," Michael said, relaxing a bit now that he knew that Ray was part rabbit. "Is it cool if I tell Lindsay?"

"She knows about the animal shit?"

"How could she not? She lives with me and convinced me I wasn't hallucinating."

"Fuckin' I don't care." Ray sighed. "Hey, do you have retractable claws, if you're a cat?"

"Why is that a common question?" Michael groaned.


	5. 1.21 Giga-Whats??

“You should really test to see if you have retractable claws,” Ray said, back to clicking away editing.

“Later,” Michael replied, “there are too many people around, and someone could just, y’know, walk in.” Michael gestured to the door.

Speaking of someone walking in, Gus chose that moment to open the door and start yelling. “Michael, you motherfucker!”

“What? What did I do?” Michael asked, very confused. He was up to date of Rage Quits, right? Right!?

“I’m sure it was Lindsay too but I’m blaming you!”

“What happened?” Ray asked, just as confused as Michael.

“Fucking Monty, Miles, Arryn, and Burnie just went home sick!” Gus raged. “If the whole company goes down with this stupid flu bullshit, do you realize how bad that is?”

“Yes…” Michael looked at the floor.

“I’m sure some of them’ll be back tomorrow,” Ray said. “I got it overnight, and here I am. It’s only a 12-hour deal.”

“It better be!”

Caleb decided to burst through the door of the mini-office and run full speed out the door. “Is he ok?” Michael yelled into the mini-office.

“He said he didn’t feel well and then he just got up and ran,” Lindsay said. “He’s probably trying to make it to the bathroom.”

“GODDAMNIT!” Gus yelled, and stormed out. “FUCK! Someone come clean this up!”

 

“I guess he didn't make it,” Ray commented.

~~~~~

Gavin was at home, getting his chill on. Or, at least, he was trying to. His new wings and especially his tail were bothering him. Quite a lot. Even though they nestled nicely into his back, Gavin was still extremely annoyed by how certain feathers always stuck into his back when he did tuck them in so his large wingspan wouldn’t destroy a room. So, our resourceful Englishman, after throwing a poptart across the room out of frustration, decided to do something about it.

Letting out a single wing in front of him, (with extreme control to avoid breaking something) Gavin grabbed it and started combing through the feathers, smoothing them down and straightening them to be more comfortable and natural looking, Gavin contorted his neck to get even the very base of his wing. Tucking it back, he sighed in relief and started on the other one.

He was halfway done when Meg walked in. “What’re you doing?”

“It was bothering me…” Gavin was in a state of deep concentration.

“Are you preening?”

“Wot?” Gavin looked up. “What’s preening?” He asked. “And why are you home so early?”

“It’s where birds mess with their feathers or something, and it’s also like 6,” Meg said. “Have you been preening all day?”

“Uh… You can’t prove anything?”

“Gavin, you forgot to eat, didn’t you!”

“Maybe?”

“You spent all last night throwing up and growing wings and stuff, and now you’re not eating!”

“Well, get me some bird seed then!”

Meg tossed a bag at Gavin. “I picked up a sack on the way home, just in case.”

Gavin looked at it and narrowed his eyes. “You did bring human food, too, right?”

“Oh, yes. Fried chicken, roast duck, quail, turkey, all that good stuff,” Meg said, walking over and kissing Gavin on the check.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I only got you the bird seed.”

“Meg, please, I just forgot to eat all day.”

“Fine,” Meg said, dropping a Happy Meal in his lap. “I got you some chicken nuggets. Dig in.”

“Wait, I gotta finish this wing,” Gavin said, pulling his wing closer and turning his neck.

“Just eat your food!” Meg said, sitting down on the couch next to him. “Michael and Lindsay were at work today, and a lot more people got sick.”

“Really?” Gavin tossed a few fries in his mouth. “Who?”

“Uh… Miles, Arryn almost threw up on me, we forced Monty to go home, Burnie, Gus went home yelling that Michael made him sick, Caleb puked all over the floor near Achievement Hunter and Gus made the new guys clean it up, thank God they’re newer than me, I almost had to do it, I can’t remember their names though, and one of them went home, and Joel started screaming and running around and it was because Adam got sick when they were recording a How To. I heard he threw up on a mic.”

“How are you so horrible with names?” Gavin asked. “The ‘new guys’ are Matt and Jeremy.”

“So we have two Matts?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes!”

“Whatever! Did you stop by Achievement Hunter and see if Micoo had wings?” Gavin’s mouth was full, and he spit out a bit of food when he talked. “Sorry.”

“I stopped by a little after the whole Caleb thing, and Michael, Ray, Lindsay, and Kdin were watching… Matt and Jeremy clean the puke, but Michael kept his beanie on even though it was really hot.”

“Yeah, but he’s Micoo. He always wears a beanie.”

“It was just weird…” Meg said, reaching over and stroking Gavin’s wing.

“Hey! I just got finished with that!”

“Sorry! But it was just…weird."

"What? You think he has wings growing out of his head?" Gavin joked.

"Yes Gav, Michael has giant wings, bigger than yours even, growing out of his damn head."

"Well, there's no need to be sarcastic about it," Gavin said. "And I need to go in tomorrow, no matter what."

"You have wings."

"I also have a large sweatshirt."

"I won't be able to stop you, will I?"

"If you won't drive me, I will fly there."

"Fine," Meg said, defeated. "But give me a reason for why you need to be there."

"We're recording the podcast tomorrow, and I'm going to be so behind on editing."

"That sweatshirt better be fucking huge."

~~~~~

"So, uh, Griffon, how ironic is this?" Geoff said.

"How the hell is this ironic!?"

"Well, your name's Griffon, and Griffons have eagle wings or some shit, and now you have eagle-looking wings," Geoff said, gesturing to Griffon's back, "and you always call me hardheaded, and look at these kick-ass horns! I could take down a wall with these!" Geoff knocked on them for emphasis.

"Wait, hold up, this feather's bothering me," Griffon said, and winced as she yanked out a feather. She shoved it in Geoff's face. "Fuck you."

"I love you too," Geoff said, wiggling his new ram ears. "At least you have a cool tail. I have this stubby little fur rag. Hey, do you think my headphones'll fit my new, awesome, ram ears?" Geoff's ram ears hadn't grown on top of his head, but had modified his previous, human ears.

Griffon was running her fingers through her wing. "Hmm?"

"Do they make special headphones for ram ears? For like science?"

"..." Griffon snapped back to attention. "Oh! Sorry, I was fixing my wing. What?"

"Nevermind..." Geoff sounded a little sad.


	6. The Package is in the Open

"Anything?" Lindsay asked as Michael scrolled down various news sites.

"Nope." There had been nothing on any illness since the report a few days ago. Certainly not anything about changing into animals. "You think we're the only ones?"

"I'm willing to put money on no." Michael leaned back from the computer. "Oh, shit, did I tell you about Ray?"

"He's a cat, isn't he?"

"No, close! A bunny, ears and all."

"...That's fucking cute as shit."

"I know!" Michael smiled and laughed a bit. "Do you think they really are collecting people? I mean, we haven't heard or seen anything about it."

"No way of knowing, for now," Lindsay said, placing her head on Michael's. "In situations like this one, where we literally turned into Faunus, it's better to be safe than sorry. We assume we know what could happen if we fuck up."

"Faunus!" Michael said, and jumped out of the chair. "You're right! We are Faunus! The fuck am I not a monkey?"

"You're not a monkey because this isn't RWBY," Lindsay said. "I was just joking."

"Fuck you, I'm calling myself a Faunus from now on. Didn't Arryn get sick? If she isn't a cat I'm going to have an issue with things."

~~~~~

"Gavin, I'm getting a belt."

"I don't need a belt."

"You're right, you need three." Meg opened a drawer and pulled out a few belts. "Your wings are gonna show if I don't do this." Meg placed the belts around Gavin's torso and tightened them. "They fit against your back nicely, but they still show. Try now."

Gavin pulled on his sweatshirt. "This is really uncomfortable."

"But I can't see your wings poking out anymore."

"...I'm going to sit in the car," Gavin mumbled, and walked out.

"Ok, Mr. Grumpy Pants!"

~~~~~

"There's a bird here," Michael said as he and Lindsay pulled up. His ears strained against his beanie.

"Yeah, there's like five on that power line over there," Lindsay said, pointing.

"No, it's... different. It smells different."

"Commander nostrils over here."

"Shut up and get your canine ass in the building."

The Jonses walked in to find the Office surprisingly bare, which was strange, it being a Monday and all, the RVB crew would usually be freaking out about rendering, editing gone wrong, or 'FUCK WE HAVE TO RERECORD THIS NOW LET'S GO PEOPLE AND CHECK YOUR GODDAMN COLORS THIS TIME FUCKING SHIT.' "You think they...?" Lindsay whispered.

"Probably." Michael agreed that the majority of the office were now Faunus, and too freaked out to go to work. They made their way to Achievement Hunter and opened the door.

"Hi~" Gavin cheerily said.

"You!" Michael stated, hissed, and pounced on Gavin, causing him to scream and squeak in a very Gavinly manor. "You're the bird!"

Ray walked in, looked at the scene on the floor, assumed that gay sex was happening, sighed, and walked out. Lindsay, realizing that Michael wasn't going to willingly let go of Gavin, started to pry the two apart. "For fuck's sake, Michael, control yourself!"

Michael looked confused for a minute, then realized what just happened. "Gavin, I'm sooo sorry! I don't know--"

"It's fine, you just went a bit...animal. I did it yesterday and spent eight hours preening without realizing," Gavin said, standing up and reaching under his sweatshirt to adjust his wings. "Are you a cat?"

"How could you tell?"

"The hiss, the sharpened teeth, your eyes went cat, and you have retractable claws."

"What do you mean I went cat?"

"You know! The pupils in your eyes went sideways!"

"Wait, wait, wait," Lindsay interrupted. "You said he has retractable claws?"

"Y--"

"I FUCKING KNEW IT MICHAEL!"

"We all good in here?" Ray asked, poking his head in. "What happened?"

"I've got retractable claws!" Michael said, holding up his hand, trying to make his claws come out. Key word trying. "Fuck, hold on, I've got this." Michael's face turned red in effort.

Caleb walked in, looking pale and wearing a baseball cap on his head and holding a jacket tightly around his chest, like he thought if he stopped hugging it closed, it would catch the wind and blow him away.

"Hey, Caleb, are you alright?" Ray asked. "You look a little...dead."

"I'm fine, just still got a little bit of that flu going around." Caleb smiled weakly. "Let's get this AHWU thing recorded and edited; we got some great intros this week!"

"What kind of dog are you?" Lindsay suddenly asked. Caleb's eyes got wide and he made an unconscious effort to go into a defensive stance.

"The human kind! Why would I be any type of dog? Why would you even think that?" He replied, his voice cracking.

"If you wanna be that way, cool," Lindsay said, pulling down her hood, revealing her ears, "but just know that you're not the only one. I'm surprised you didn't smell me. Michael! We can be the Nose Knows Crew! Our noses know things!"

"Lindsay, is this really the time to make a new team?" Michael sighed.

"You...?" Caleb shakily pointed at Lindsay's head. "How?"

"We think its the "flu" that's been going around," Michael said, taking off his beanie. "I'm a cute little kitty cat."

"Michoo! You're like grumpy cat!" Gavin said.

"You shut your goddamn mouth and stop comparing me to memes."

"I'm a Border Collie," Caleb slowly sounded out, taking off his hat. "What are you?"

"I don't know, I never really cared enough to Google it," Lindsay said.

"You guys should probably cover up your ears, we don't want to scare anyone if they walk in," Gavin pointed out.

"Speaking of ears," Ray said, "why don't you have any, Gavin?"

"Birds don't have ears."

"Bullshit. Birds can hear things."

"Yeah, but they just don't have ears!"

"Gavin, you are literally the dumbest person in this office," Michael said, adjusting his ears for optimum beanie placement.

"But it's true! Have you ever seen an ear on a bird? No, you haven't!"

"Achievement Hunter!" Matt (Hullum, not Axialmatt) said, strolling in. "Who's here that can help the team get RvB out on time!? We are NOT having another delayed episode! Everyone's out sick today, and last minute editing needs to be done." He spied Gavin sitting in the corner, walked over, and grabbed his arm. "Alright, Mr. Former Director, let's get working." Matt basically dragged Gavin out.

"Well, damn, let's get AHWU done before we all get taken away to do things," Lindsay said. "I'll get the camera."

"The fuck is Jack's book?" Ray asked, pulling apart said bearded man's desk looking for said object. "I swear, if he took it home..."

"It's over there somewhere," Caleb said, walking out of the mini-office with papers in his hands. "Got the script."

"Should we close the door?" Michael asked standing near the door. "Oh, hey Monty." Michael waved at Monty as he walked past, looking like he had gotten even less sleep than normal the night before, probably a side effect of being crazy sick. Monty gave half a wave in Michael's general direction and kept walking towards the RWBY production room. "Fuck!" Michael said, and busted out the door in an attempt to stop Monty before people saw him, ears, tail and all. How the shit did he not notice when he got dressed?

Michael was a second too late. "Monty! Awesome, we need you crazy bad on RvB to--" Matt stopped mid-sentence when he noticed the orange-red ears on Monty. "What's with the headband?"

"I'm not wearing a headband," Monty said, his hand reaching up to remove one if he had accidentally put one on and forgot about it. His eyes got wide when he touched his ear. "Wha...?"

Gavin was making wild arm movements behind Matt, trying to communicate with Monty. Michael ran back to Achievement Hunter. "We have a situation."

"What is it?" Ray asked.

"Can it wait until after AHWU?" Lindsay asked, messing with settings on the camera.

"Monty's a hybrid, and I don't think he new it until just now."

Lindsay strode to the door. "Where is he?"

"Freaking out Matt."

"Let's fucking go do this shit."


	7. Remember Me How I Was

"Monty!" Lindsay yelled, running up and grabbing Monty. "A fan pointed out a glitch to us in the Let's Play animation. Can you come check it out?" She half dragged, half carried him to Achievement Hunter. Shutting the door behind her with a well placed kick, she set Monty, who was in quite a bit of shock, down on the couch.  
  
"What happened?" Ray asked. "Should we get him a hat?"  
  
"I think it's a little too late for that, Ray," Michael responded.  
  
"You said Matt saw him?" Caleb said. "He's gonna be bursting through that door any second now."  
  
"Could everyone just shut up for a second?" Lindsay commanded. "Monty's freaking out over here."  
  
Hands on his new ears, Monty brought his knees up to his chest and looked blankly confused. "I think I'm just gonna go to sleep." He closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees.  
  
"What," Matt said, slamming the door open, "is going on?! It could've been just regular AH antics with Monty dressed up all Monty-like, but I refuse to believe that on the grounds that Gavin is over there being dumber than usual!" Matt paused and pointed down the hall. "I think he's trying to give me a puberty talk about Monty, saying it's a natural part of everyone's life or some shit. So, if someone would please explain everything, I will give you ten bucks. Right here, right now."  
  
"I'm a rabbit," Ray said, taking off his hood and holding out his hand. "Pay up!"  
  
"I said explain." Matt looked even more confused than before.  
  
"We got sick and then we turned into Faunus," Michael said. Matt nodded slowly and pulled out his phone. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Getting these animal idiots to show up for work." Matt sent out a mass text reading 'I don't care if you dickmunches are part animal, get to work.'  
  
Burnie was the first to reply. 'Matt why the fuck would you start a group text'  
  
Geoff was next. 'No Barbara's gonna make puns about me'  
  
Then Michael. 'Dude I'm standing right next to you why would you add me to the group and you owe me 10 buks' '*bicks' '*ducks' 'you know what fuck it but I still want my money'  
  
Joel. 'If your standing right next to him Michael why would you text instead of speak'  
  
Michael. 'You're'  
  
Kdin 'Who changed my text tone to Gavin's noise thing'  
  
Ryan. 'Geoff you think you're going to be made fun of wait until I show up'  
  
And finally, Matt once more. 'JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO WORK'  
  
"Monty's asleep," Lindsay said.  
  
"No I'm not."  
  
"You just said you're going to sleep."  
  
"Then my phone started vibrating madly in my pocket."  
  
"Jesus, Matt, who did you not send that text to?" Ray asked.  
  
"Does it matter at this point?" Matt sighed. "Look, I don't care who's an animal or whatever, let's just take this day by day. Animal ears and crap are no excuses to skip work."  
  
"Matt," Gavin said, running in, "does this mean I can take my wings out?"  
  
"I don't even know and I don't care. I am surrounded by crazy." Matt walked out.  
  
"Aww, cheer up," Caleb said pulling his own hat off. "Maybe you'll get your very own wings someday."  
  
"Someone get me some scissors, or a knife, or something sharp," Gavin said, fumbling with the belts holding his wings down under his lifted up shirt. "I'm about to get very...  _crafty_."  
  
"Look on Ryan's desk," Michael said.  
  
"Hey. Hey Monty," Lindsay said, gently shaking Monty. "You awake?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Wait," Ray said, "how did you not notice that you have ears and a tail when you got dressed this morning?"  
  
Monty picked his head up. "Y'know, I'm really not sure."  
  
"Someone cut holes in my shirt!" Gavin said, flailing scissors around wildly.  
  
"Calm down! I got you, boi," Michael said, holding out his hand for the scissors. "Let's give you a nice punk look."  
  
"Just cut holes for the wings!"  
  
"Well," Monty sighed, wandering to the door. "I have animations to animate."  
  
"Bye Monty," Caleb called, waving.  
  
"Michael! You're going to cut him!" Ray said.  
  
"MICOOL!" Gavin yelled, leaping away.   
  
"For fuck's sake, pull the shirt away if you're gonna cut it!" Lindsay offered.  
  
"I know how to cut shit," Michael replied.  
  
"YOU'RE GONNA NICK MY FEATHERS!"  
  
"Oh wait, I'm going to try to use my claws," Michael said, tensing the muscles in his hand,  revealing the tips of claws from his fingertips. "Holy fuck, it's working!"  
  
"Yeah, but how sharp are they?" Caleb asked. Michael responded by slicing down the length of Gavin's hoodie in one go, using his thumb and pinkie to make both wing holes at once. "Oh, well, damn."  
  
"That sharp," Michael bragged, flexing his claws in and out. "Shove them wings through, Gavvy!"  
  
Gavin carefully extended his wings one at a time through the holes in his shirt. "I guess this means I can take my tail out, too." He slightly lowered the waistline on his pants to let his tail out.  
  
"Gavin, don't you always say that a bird is a chick?" Lindsay asked.  
  
"Don't say it!"  
  
"Lindsay, chicks are in fact baby birds," Ray said.  
  
"Gav, you're a bird!" Michael said.  
  
"Yes, this has been well established by the wings and all."  
  
"A lady bird!"  
  
"Lindsay's the only bird here, in that meaning.  
  
"Excuse me," Lindsay cut in, "I'm a cute-ass puppy dog."  
  
"Gavin, don't you have to go work on RvB?" Ray asked.  
  
"Well, since everyone's showing up now, I guess I don't."  
  
"We should do a Let's Play in an animal game," Michael commented.  
  
"CAN SOMEONE HELP ME THROUGH THE DOOR?" Barbara could be heard yelling.  
  
"I got it," Lindsay said. "You idiots record AHWU. We have a schedule to halfway keep." Lindsay strolled out the door towards the main entrance to Stage5. "Oh, shit Barbara, you're like a deer."  
  
"I didn't think this through at all." Barbara had horns growing out the top of her head, and she tried to walk through the door head-on. She was currently resting her head by the horns on either side of the door. "And I'm a caribou. Lady deer don't have horns."  
  
"Well, you could go through the door...sideways."  
  
"Lindsay, you're top dog!" Barbara said, perking up with the suggestion and pun. She turned her head to the side and walked through. "Let's not talk about this."  
  
"Save it for the podcast," Lindsay said, and went back to AH. "Why aren't you recording AHWU?"  
  
"Decided to wait until the others get here," Ray said.  
  
"Barbara get in alright?" Michael asked.  
  
"She got her head stuck and made a pun."  
  
"So...Is that a yes?"  
  
"It wasn't too TERRIBOU!" Barbara jumped in and said, then ran away.  
  
"She was waiting for that, wasn't she?" Caleb commented.  
  
"Hi, guys," Jack said, and plodded over to his chair.  
  
"You don't look to different, Jack," Gavin said. "What are you?"  
  
Jack cleared his throat and let out a loud roar, revealing long fangs in his mouth. "A lion."  
  
"It's the circle OF LIIIIIFE!" Ray sang.  
  
"I will eat you."  
  
"Alright, I'm gonna shut up now."  
  
"Jack that was fuckin' LOUD!" Michael complained, ears flattened to his head.  
  
"That was the whole point."  
  
"It's a bird!" Gavin squealed, and ran out the door.  
  
"Dog alert! Caleb, c'mon! Let us greet our canine sibling!" Lindsay yelled, and dragged Caleb behind her.  
  
"So," Ray said, "any bets on what Geoff and Ryan are going to be?"  
  
"A fish and a fox," Jack answered.  
  
"What?" Michael laughed. "That doesn't make any sense."  
  
"Yeah it does, Ryan's a sly fox mad king guy, and Geoff breathes alcohol in liquid form like fish breathe water."  
  
"Your logic is flawless," Ray complimented.


	8. Sweet Ride

Gavin, Lindsay, and Caleb arrived in the main entrance area thing (it's times like these I wish they'd do an office tour) to see a rather traumatized looking Miles sitting on the floor next to Arryn, who had to kneel down from laughing so hard.  
  
"Arryn!" Gavin yelled. "Wing buddies!" He spread his wings halfway for emphasis. Arryn looked up with tears in her eyes and did the same, her black wings poking over a tank top.  
  
"She...She flew here," Miles whispered.  
  
"Suck it up," Arryn responded. "You know you had fun."  
  
"You almost dropped me! Three times!"   
  
"Not my fault you're heavy," Arryn said, crossing her arms.  
  
"You flew? Weren't you worried anyone would see you?" Lindsay asked.  
  
"Nah, clouds are low today. I flew above them, and some other people had the same idea as me. I doubt they were going to work, though. They were doing flips and mess and having way too much fun."  
  
"Is it Arryn?" Michael yelled from AH Offices.  
  
"No!" Arryn yelled back.  
  
"Are you a cat!?" Michael ran out to see. "Dammit! You're just a bird!" He stalked back into the office.  
  
"Miles, are you ok?" Caleb asked.  
  
"Flying sucks," Miles said, slowly standing up. "Flying sucks so much."  
  
"It's ok, man," Caleb led Miles away to The Know fort to lay on one of their sick-ass beds. "You're on the ground. Your feet are touching floor."  
  
"How long did it take you to learn how to fly, Arryn?" Gavin asked.  
  
"Long enough that Miles regretted his decision of letting me carry him."  
  
"I take it you didn't fly Meg here?" Lindsay asked Gavin.  
  
"Well, if I can't drive, I probably can't fly, and as you may have noticed, I had my wings bound when I arrived," Gavin said.  
  
"Flying is way easier than driving!" Arryn told him. "It's like walking, but with your back."  
  
"Let's get an audience for Gavin's flying lessons," Lindsay said.  
  
"Aww, what? How come everyone is something cool but me?" Barbara said, walking in. "Everyone else has wings, or a cool tail, or ears, or whatever, and I'm just very... _horny_." You could almost hear Burnie yelling at her for the horrible pun, despite him not being at the office.  
  
"So you don't even have a stubby tail?" Arryn asked.  
  
"Oh, I have one," She turned around and wiggled her tail. "Look, isn't it cute?"  
  
"It looks much easier to manage than this," Gavin gestured to his stiff feather tail.  
  
"But Gavvy," Lindsay said,"does it shed? Are you aware that both cats and dogs shed?"  
  
"Lindsay, you poor, poor baby," Barbara said, embracing her in a hug.  
  
"It's so much fuuuurrrr!" Lindsay whined.  
  
"Ladies, grab your phones," Arryn said, "We're about to make RT Life: Gavin Learns to Fly."  
  
"Why don't we wait until everyone gets here?" Gavin suggested, trying to push back his inevitable date with the sky.  
  
"That's a great idea! We'll get more angles!"  
  
"Let's wrap him in pillows for when he inevitably falls and breaks something," Lindsay said. "Hollow bones, and all that bird shit."  
  
"Would it throw him off balance though?" Arryn pondered.  
  
"You just flew here carrying a whole dog-person-faunus and you're wondering if pillows will throw Gavin off balance?" Lindsay pointed out.  
  
"He  _is_ Gavin," Barbara said.  
  
"I'm right here!"  
  
Geoff chose that moment to stroll confidently through the door. Then he spotted Barbara, said a choice word or two, and took off for AH Offices. Slamming the door behind him, he looked at the other Achievement Hunters in the room, who were mildly confused, to say the least.  
  
"Geoff! You have horns!" Michael said.  
  
"Are those...?" Jack started but was lost to giggles before he could finish.  
  
"Yes, Jack," Geoff sighed, "they're ram horns."  
  
"RAMsey!" Ray yelled.  
  
"Shut it, Easter Bunny," Geoff responded.  
  
"Geoff, please."  
  
"Sorry, Ray, it's just  I don't want to deal with it from you  _and_  Barbara."  
  
"Everything alright in here?" Lindsay knocked twice and then poked her head through the door. "I would say you shit your pants again, Geoff, but you would've run to the bathroom, not Achievement Hunter."  
  
Geoff turned around to face Lindsay. "Hey, what's up everybody, it's Geoff  _Ram_ sey from Achievement Hunter!"  
  
Lindsay snickered. "So who's left? Ryan, Matt, Jeremy, Kerry, Kdin..."  
  
"Around half the office!" Ray added.  
  
"I meant in Achievement Hunter, thank you very much."  
  
"Always here to help!"  
  
"Lindsay, you forgot Dirk," Jack said.  
  
"Whatever, Jack," Lindsay sighed. "Gavin's getting flying lessons in like an hour or so. Just a heads up if you wanna watch or secure any fragile objects."  
  
"This might just be the greatest day ever," Michael said.  
  
"Of all--" Jack started.  
  
"NO!" Geoff yelled. "Really? REALLY?"

* * *

"So, Miles," Meg said to the doggy who was resting on the bed above her, "how's it going?"  
  
"Never, under any circumstances, let Gavin carry you!"  
  
"Like...piggy back rides? I think the wings would get in the way."  
  
"No, like...flying."  
  
"I can't believe you, of all people, would agree to something like that," Ashley said.  
  
"Well, you know me, writing emotionally traumatized space soldiers, writing fun loving badass teens, parkouring over wet paint floors to get knives, agreeing to being carried to work 500 feet in the air, all that stuff!" Miles ranted.  
  
"Which one of these is not like the other?" Meg sang.  
  
"Meg look! There's this cool piece of gaming news right here!" Ashley exclaimed.  
  
"Is it that thing that'll totally date this chapter if the Author were to mention it?"  
  
"You've seen it already."  
  
"Just a wild guess! I mean, it was kind of to be expected, though."  
  
"Was it?"  
  
"Absolutely! Couldn't you tell that the Author was about to put in some fun, fourth-wall breaking filler?"  
  
"You're right! It's like they want to have Gavin learn to fly in the next  chapter, but still actually put out a chapter with over 1000 words!"  
  
"Alright!" Miles said, sitting up. He swung his feet over the loft railing and jumped down. "My little nappy-nap time is over. Have fun working with like all of your people here!"  
  
"Um, excuse me Miles, but we're missing both Chris and Blaine, and on a small team such as ours, everyone is necessary to make the news happen," Ashley pointed out.  
  
"Your face is necessary," Miles said, and did the "Water Tribe" Sokka move thing before walking away with that #yoloswag in his step.


	9. Fight or Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to formally apologize for taking such a long break... I'm back now, so no need to fret anymore. Also forgive the scientifically inaccurate flying. I'm not a birdologist.

The rest of the office had arrived, and much sooner than expected, thanks to the text Michael sent out to everyone about a certain bird and a certain lesson. They had cleared away an area of the parking lot, moving cars to the sides and hoping that that was enough to keep Gavin from falling on them and breaking a car and quite possibly himself.  
  
Most of the office waited anxiously outside, phones in hand and ready to record. Meanwhile, Michael, Geoff, and Meg were trying to coax Gavin out from under his desk.  
  
"Gavin, look," Michael stated, after multiple times yelling 'just fucking do it' didn't work, "You're gonna have to learn to fly someday."  
  
"I would like my feet to stay comfortably on the ground, thank you," Gavin replied.  
  
"All you'd have to do is flap your wings a few times. Baby birds do it! Are you weaker than a baby bird?" Geoff teased  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"What if you learn how to fly, pick up Michael, and see if he lands on his feet?" Meg said. Michael looked at her blankly. "Cats always land on their feet."  
  
"Boii," Gavin said, perking up, "Let's do it, boii."  
  
"You are  _not_  dropping me out of the sky." Michael protested.  
  
"I'll get out from under my desk and take the flying lessons~" With Gavin's words, Meg and Geoff looked at Michael.  
  
"No. I'm not getting dropped."  
  
Geoff leaned in close to Michael. "Just say you will," he whispered. "You don't have to actually go through with it. Chances are he won't even be able to fly." Geoff pulled away and Michael contemplated his options. See Gavin learn how to fly and get a good laugh; refuse to be used as a bartering chip and tell everyone outside that Gavin's too bitchy to fly.  
  
Michael drew in a deep breath. "Fine," he sighed. "Just get your feathery ass out there."  
  
Gavin made one of his signature bird/mating noises, and  crawled out from under his desk, knocking over his monitor and almost his computer tower in the process.

* * *

The three in charge of Gavin duty were met with cheers when they finally came outside, Gavin in tow. Gavin split away from the others to stand near Arryn, her black wings already mostly extended, and an impatient look on her face. Gavin pulled a wing in front of him, adjusting the feathers, hoping that he would become invisible and not have to fly.  
  
"Gavin, are you ready?" Arryn asked.  
  
"No," he answered. It was like he could feel all the eyes and cameras on him, about to watch him embarrass himself, and Gavin wasn't fond of it one bit.  
  
"Good!" Arryn said cheerfully. She spread her wings wide. "Ok, so, spread your wings as far as you can..."Arryn watched Gavin slowly spread his wings. SHe thrust her wings up, then down powerfully, and she was pushed a few inches off the ground, and landed gently. "Then do that. Move your wings like arms."  
  
Gavin swallowed hard. "Gavin! You my boiid!" he heard Michael say, almost rolling his eyes at the terrible combination of the two words. Still, the shout from his friend reassured him, and he raised his wings and forced them down again, closing his eyes tight so he wouldn't see the ground when he was about to hit it. Gavin made a noise of terror when he felt his feet were no longer on the ground, and panicked, repeating the motion with his wings over and over.  
  
"Open your eyes, idiot!" Ray yelled at him. Gavin could hear cheering, and he cautiously opened one eye, and shut it almost immediately. He was a good 15 feet off the ground.  
  
"ARRYN!" Gavin screamed. "How do I get down!"  
  
"Open your eyes, first of all!" she responded. "I'm coming to get you!"  
  
"I will  _not_  open my eyes!"  
  
"You're not a bat, and you need to see." Arryn's voice was very close to Gavin. "Just open your eyes. You're doing great." Gavin opened his eyes, and regretted every single event that led him to this moment.  
  
"I'm getting higher!" he squeaked. He looked down at the rest of the office, cameras still pointed at him, though they did look kinda concerened for Gavin.   
  
"Yeah, If you want to just hover, alternate between really light flaps and strong flaps. It works pretty well," Arryn explained. Gavin tried it, and found that it kept him more or less at the same height. "So you want to work on moving forwards?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Alright, so you move forwards by angling your body like this," Arryn leaned forwards and started flying circles around Gavin, "and just doing the flap-flap. Turn by tilting. Also gliding's a thing, just keep your wings out and let the wind and momentum carry you. Now you do it," Arryn said, going back to hovering.  
  
Gavin cautiously angled his body, and started moving forwards. "I'm doing it!" he screeched. He got comfortable with flying around, learning how every tilt of his body mattered. Gavin then caught sight of Michael in the crowd. Gavin tucked his wings in, divebombing Michael, who realized all too late that a winged Brit was on a crash course with him.  
  
Gavin extended his wings last second, grabbing Michael and pushing the two of them back into the air. "Gavin, what the fuck!" Michael protested, but not moving, since he was now twenty feet in the air.  
  
"Do cats always land on their feet, Michael?" Gavin asked, a sly look on his face.  
  
"Gavin, Gavin no!" Michael yelled, and Gavin threw him as hard as he could, which wasn't very far. Still, Michael fell with a stream of curses and flips. Michael landed deftly on his feet, and immediately turned around and sent two very pissed off middle fingers Gavin's way. Michael sat on the ground and pouted, muttering curses every few seconds. Miles went over and consoled Michael, the two of them bonding over their bad experiences with flying.  
  
"So how do I land?" Gavin asked after doing a flip to celebrate Michael's safe landing.  
  
"Oh, uh, y'know...I'm not actually sure about that part," Arryn responded, hovering with a serious thinking face on. "I kinda just got close to the ground and fell."  
  
"Arryn!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm gonna be stuck up here forever!"  
  
"Nah! Just stop flapping, then flap right before you hit the ground!" Arryn demonstrated, wincing as she hit the ground hard. "See? It's easy!"  
  
Gavin looked down, inhaled, slowed down his flapping pace, and watched the ground grow closer. "Do birds always land on their feet, Gavin?" Michael yelled, his voice full of vinegar.  
  
"Shut up!" Gavin snapped back, concentrating fully on not crashing. When he saw that the ground was about as close as it usually is, he stopped flapping, and stumbled a bit as he hit the ground.  
  
Gavin released the breath that he realized he had been holding, and looked up. The office was clapping for him. "Gavin, you're shaking!" Meg said. He looked down at his hand, and saw that she was right.  
  
"How was flying, Gavin?" Burnie asked, holding up a phone, no doubt recording. Burnie had turned into some kind of horned animal, which the office was currently split on between a bison and a cow. There were totally bets going on about which he was, not that Burnie would know.  
  
"Mental."


End file.
